What Does Success Mean for You?

Today, when I was in therapy, my therapist¹ asked me what success means to me.

Our culture constantly feeds us images of the successful person. The billionaire CEO, the gifted child prodigy, the artist in the prestigious museum, the celebrity with a sold out show, the novelist at the top of the New York Times best seller list, the gold medal athlete. The influencer who makes 7 figures working 5 hours a week, who’ll teach you how to do the same for just $30².

Even when success isn’t so grandiose, there’s a vision of achievement, of progress. The business we’re going to build, the promotion we’ve been trying to get for 3 years, the spouse we’ve been dreaming of, the beautiful house in a great neighborhood. The novel we’re going to write, the beautiful clothes we’re going to make, the places we’re going to go. The clothes we’re trying to shape our body to fit into. The weights we’re going to lift and the personal best we’re going to break. It’s never ending. There’s always more we should be doing, more we should be changing.

Even when we intentionally step away from those ideas of success, they still clamor in our ears. We see the Instagram ads promising us more. Our friend asks how our business is going and says “oh, you’ve got this, you’ll get more” when we say we have 8 clients. Our family member who only says we’re looking well when we’ve lost weight–even when we only did because we were sick. People talking about their metrics and numbers, this many clients came in, this is how much our funnel retained, this is our burn rate.

We’ve been picking up on success being measured through money or through popularity–preferably both–since we first heard our parents joking with each other about what we’re going to do when we grow up, before we can even walk or talk.

But what does success actually mean? Not for your parents, not for your friends, or your coworkers or your boss, not even for your partner. What does success mean for you?

Is success the financial security of being able to provide for your family, your children? Is it knowing that you’ll be able to take care of yourself when you’re elderly? Is success the freedom to not have to count your pennies? Having enough money to live is essential in this world and it’s part of most of our visions of success.

Then what’s beyond that? Is success the freedom to cultivate deep, rich friendships? To nurture a family? To build and sustain a loving partnership? To find community and family?

Is success discovering the joy of creating, of experimenting, of trying? Touching the hearts and souls of those you’ll never meet and showing them what is inside of you? Knowing that you’ve made the world a little better?

Then what of the quieter successes. The peace to truly see the beauty of the world. The satisfaction of knowing that our body is becoming stronger and feeling the joy in movement. Connection with a friend. Savoring the taste of a good meal without worrying about how much we weigh. Saying no when we’re terrified about not saying yes. Facing the hard truths about ourself and coming out the other side.

Being with our fear, our anger, our deep grief.

There are as many ways to be successful as there are to be human. Many of these are mine. Many of them I have rejected. Many I am still captured by or am slowly walking to.

So I ask again. What is success to you?

What would your life look like if you let go of other people’s visions of success and embraced your own?